Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
