My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
