The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm both gender and math confused
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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