So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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