...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
