She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i've created a new STD.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
