Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think your dad took our porno
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
