if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She told me I should be a condom model.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
