Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
