I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
