yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
