There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
