today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
