is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
