Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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