we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
