did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
