I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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