But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
