Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
