problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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