So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
