2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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