so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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