my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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