Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
