So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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