He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
