My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
