the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
soo... how was my night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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