Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
