Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
