he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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