We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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