Tell her she can't have a vagina
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
