can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
