is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
