Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
