woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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