If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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