My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
