maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
