Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
