so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
