Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
