I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
