Do you still have your period?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
