i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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