If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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