The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
