I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
