And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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