HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
