And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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