based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its not stalking. its research.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
