So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
