Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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