I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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