i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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