So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
